MASKED

Aside from the lack of a strong drag of the open air these masks are something I enjoy.
I am a true introvert. 

As for me the mask allows a barrier to the world. A support blanket that hides me from others. There is some definite work to be done in this region of my mind, but for now I find peace in the solitude of my life. 

There is really only one person so far that I feel like I can have around anytime and that’s my partner. 

Her blog post puts our relationship into very solid words and I choose that to be how our relationship is shared. This post is a nod to it, but about other subjects.

Without the coronavirus mask I dawn a different mask for other times. This other mask is a resting b@tch face. It creates a base look that I wear when at rest which means all the time. I look like I’m mad at a math problem. 

This mask doesn’t reflect my feelings, but is a default mode to set my controls. Not having to think about this part of me which is the one that gestures with expression allows for me to use that thought energy for other deeper things.

Being introverted for me is something that is natural so I have to actively work against it. If I didn’t need sunlight, exercise, food, or things, being inside would be 80% of my life by choice. For this reason I understand that My human body has needs that are to be met or I can have a sharp decline in functionality.

It’s not that I don’t like people; it is more about how I operate. I inherited a mind that is like if you put a drag race car engine in a bunny rabbit. This means there is so much content swirling like if you put all flavors of fro-yo in a cup and blended it. You try and make out just one flavor. So the fact is that content is hard to explain to people and I choose not to often. 

On the other hand I do cherish well-made conversation and respect it. I would prefer to have a powerful conversation with someone who has opposing but open views to the content. Having an open perspective allows for learning and growth. If I find myself speaking to someone who believes they must be right at all costs that conversation will go nowhere. Being dogmatic and one-sided is a weakness. Acceptance for views that may oppose you is closer to enlightenment. 

For this reason I tend to avoid conversation because I tend to encounter more of the dogmatic variety. I’m not offended by such people, but also choose to not engage. 

My masks are a part of my shield and from my experience that mask plays a secondary role of filtering. Those with fear or discomfort within them will often project their feelings on to others. Where I feel neutral the theme of my face is “angry” and for someone having a hard moment they will ASSUME you are mad at them. 

I am often met with fear because of this combination situation. 

When I was in my adolescence and teen years I thought that it’s the other person’s fault they feel bad based on my resting look. “It’s their problem.” I have now discovered that isn’t the full picture. 

We are social creatures as humans. And I find it’s easier to avoid conversation with someone unsavory by keeping it simple. 

Polite yet Direct.
Kind and Swift.
Clear and Confident.

No one deserves your resting attitude, but you are also not obligated to explain yourself either.