Resisting…. Rose hears the word yelled out as she is watching an episode of cops on tv. The cop yells “STOP RESISTING!”
Frozen by a flashback Rose is forced into the visceral reality of her life at 3 years old.
At 3 Rose would often refuse any food given to her as a protest to her misfortune in being raised the way she was. Eating was the only control she had in a very scary, abusive and sad life. This pattern follows Rose to this day as she eats out of emotional response finding the things that spark any kind of mouth pleasure to hide any pain.
When she was 3 to sustain some kind of intake Rose would forage in the family yard eating snails and dirt. The back yard was beautiful, peaceful and her step-father would never bother her here. It was her very limited safe space. Rose to this day loves nature. Any opportunity to place her hand on a tree, smell the flowers or admire the dalliance of a well kept garden makes Rose feel at peace. Rose’s grandmother would love watching her in the yard as she also knew thats where she felt at home. These moments would be very short lived unfortunately.
Rose remembers sitting in the corner of the yard with her blanket rocking back and forth nervously dreading reentry into the home just a few yards away. In a constant state of terror regarding her stepfather she is still baffled at why she was ever left alone with that man. He would often after causing any pain place his hand on her to qual her tears as if force was the solution to a stressed child. How a child this young could hate someone this much is truly amazing to behold.
Abject fear at all times.
Rose in her adulthood would be continuously plagued by this hate and fear. Those stories are to come, but this treatment would send Rose down a road of regret she would have never chosen for herself. In these times Rose would have moments of safety when her grandmother and grandfather were around and yet could never share that she was afraid or traumatized. Not out of pride, but concern for their safety.
Her stepfather to cover his tracks would threaten the lives of Rose’s grandparents the people she loved most to keep her quiet of the tragedy he would bestow upon her.
So much for a small child to concern herself with.
And yet no one could hear her cries.
Mr. Sods 