Suffer & Grace

Mascots are the symbols that represent each school, team or group’s intention. You can see this in the manifestation of a football team of a school called the bulldogs. They want to be stable, fearless and courageous. As human creatures we will often do the same when we say spirit animal.

As people with these fantastical minds and spirits we want to identify with something. Those somethings give us a scaffolding to establish our identities.

Similar aspects happen when we experience. Everyone tends to see through their own specially colored and tented lens to which they view life. This fact follows us all in everything we do, see and interact with. These lenses are influenced by what our parents believe as they are the gate keepers to our development. These lenses are updated by those who we surround ourselves with. These lenses are mutated by experience. These lenses lend us or special and specific opinions on experience.

What a magical phenomena to go through life and engaging with others who see life in different ways. This is the mysticism behind communication. I love communication because I am personally fascinated with how others see the world through their lenses.

My partner and I have different relationships with cardio. Usually I am on a bicycle and she is running. We both aim for a given time and take off for however much of a distance is covered. Sometimes I may even start my bike ride finish early and chase her down on foot.

Our goal for this endeavor is not to train for any sport, but to come to a place of enlightenment. This time is for us to scrub clean the week before us and set our minds off fresh to the next.

What is truly amazing is that the paths we take to get to the same grace at the end are completely different. She chooses to take a path of grace to obtain the grace. I choose to take a path of suffering to find my grace.

First I will describe how her run goes to better explain why she is the graceful one in the partnership. The run to her is a time of encouragement and positive reenforcement. She maps herself first a distance she knows she can complete therefore setting herself up for success. During the run she reminds herself of the pace she can and has always been able to sustain to complete this distance. Then along the way in moments of fatigue or pain will either reassure herself that she has done this before and can persist as she has before or compassionately will slow down to regain the strength to push on. Like a loving mother teaching her child that this discomfort too shall pass she then completes this run. She finishes each time with an amazement and confidence of completion.

Now for me… I like to suffer.

My experience is very different and very satisfying for myself. For my partner she is bolstering her resolve and fortifying her determination. I am testing myself. I want to know how deep does my resolve go. I want to know if I have more in the tank and how deep is that tank. This allows me to find out how much am I leaving behind on any given day.

I will explain….

As she aims for a distance and proceeds to beat the time. I set myself a time and proceed to trample the distance. For now the time that we set aside is 40 minutes. She then aims for a 5k as she knows that even at her slowest she can achieve that distance. For myself I cover as much ground as is possible in 20 minutes to then turn around and finish faster than in the first half. Sometimes if my bike time is fast enough I can lock it and chase her down which becomes as satisfying as a dog catching a frisbee mid air.

My approach is not meant to be nice, but also isn’t meant to be negative. It is a test of will and grit. Even at the time of posting this I am at the tail end of recovering from my most intense injury of my life. And yet I find profound satisfaction in the survival of great suffering. I’m sure that over time this injury will have brought me transcendent lessons that shape my reality. I can feel those lessons even now as I continue to heal.

There are many cultures that have their own tests to gain enlightenment. Some choose academic feats, Some may choose artistic expression, Some fall into deep meditation under a freezing waterfall, and Some run thousands of miles.

The best question to ask yourself is… How will you find your peace and understanding? What funnel will you place yourself in to find your answers to life?