“Outrage & Justice… These are my virtues and my power is megaphone. My ability allows me to express my opinion without any interruption. This allows me to stop the wrong doings around me. For this I am proud.” Standing at the balcony of her patio in a dusky city Karen proclaims.
“Hey Yo! Karen! Good Morning!” Joey exclaims running full clip down the sidewalk.
“Slow the Muff Down!” Booms Karen.
“You got it,” as Joey picks up his pace laughing.
As Joey runs he thinks what a whacky lady that Karen is. “Even though her words are rough it don’t mean she ain’t nice,” skidding in sideways on the wet pavement to the front door of the gym as he finished his run. Barely sweating he darts up to the front desk jumping over as he turns his baseball cap backwards. Logging into the computer to start his shift and look at his client list today…
In bolded red letters he sees that Karen has his 3:30pm slot. A smirk envelops Joey’s face like he is expecting a cupcake in his future.
Joey is the head trainer at this gym. Seems to have limitless energy and seems to have something to talk to everyone about. His favorite client is Karen. Excited to see her today he would say he is “jazzed.” Joey’s other co-workers are thrilled he likes training her because no one else will. The day zips by for Joey as he knocks out many sessions with clients. He finished up the client he had before Karen early so he had some time to workout.
It’s about 2:30pm and Karen is expected at 3pm. Joey sprints to the astroturf to stretch and do some light calisthenics.
Right about now is when the high schoolers are released like a hoard of zombies cascading upon the gym. Like so many rats foraging in the sewers these teens will pack the sauna, locker rooms, pool and jacuzzi while being loud constantly.
This is Joey’s favorite part of the day as he has become an older brother to this mass of teens. Fist bumps fly around left and right.
Joey finishes up his exercises and notices a disturbance in the force. In a deep awkward lunged position his head whips to the door…Karen has arrived.
Karen is always early and will roam the gym prior to her training session re-racking weights and tidying up. Joey spots her coming in and assisting her with the larger weights this is how they start their sessions. “This ends up being an amazing warm up” Joey always exclaims.
Karen places the last 5 pound weight in it’s place as a teenage boy standing way to wide for his frame grazes Karen.
An inaudible growl begins to emit from Karen’s barreled body. The mirrors and windows begin to rattle as the deep growl produced from Karen seems like it could shatter all glass around her if she were to keep it up.
“Gggggggerrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmm…” breathing out under breath, “teeeensssss.” With a look of pure vengeful rage Joey quickly takes Karen’s shoulders turning her like redirecting a dog in pursuit of a squirrel.
Joey recounts how Karen was vibrating and generating a heat that seemed almost impossible. “Who needs a sauna when we have Karen,” he says jokingly as to break up the tension.
As they walk to the astroturf to start her warm up stretches Karen slowly turns her head to Joey and while on one leg like a demented flamingo says to Joey,
“If I catch you running that fast down the sidewalk like that again like I did this morning I will descend on you like Batman from my patio.”
“Will do Karen no problem,” he says chuckling as he thinks to himself, “as if she could catch me.”
“You think I can’t catch you huh?” Karen jolts!
“I didn’t say anything Karen,” Joey states cautiously.
“You thought it.” Karen states as she is now balanced on the other foot and never blinking.
“How did you know that?” Joey asks as he begins to sweat.
“You just told me,” Karen states as her head turns and she gives Joey side eye.
Just as Karen is placing the other foot on the ground and finishing her final stretch the same boy from before and his buddy are shoving each other as if they are in a bouncy house. They breach Karen’s 5 foot bubble and just like a whip was cracked the boys freeze in place as if her gaze was that of Medusa.
Joey speaks up, “whats up boys!”
“Oh hey Mr.Joey!” Unaware of their surrounding the boys respond.
“If you guys are gunna wrestle take it to the mats.” Joey offers.
“Good idea,” they say in unison and take off for the mats.
Karen looks to Joey and gently said, “Joey you just saved them from a big mistake.”
Joey retorts, “Oh I know!”
Joey then thinks to himself, “Now that I told those boys the first time anything they do now to bother Karen is on them.” Once again Karen stares at Joey and winks as if to indeed know what he is thinking.
Joey loves training Karen because she leaves nothing behind and she is freakishly strong. As Joey readies the sled and loads it with plates the boys from earlier have come back to the astroturf and Karen clocks them immediately. I let them know that we are using this straight away for the sled they acknowledge and keep clear.
Suddenly one boy punches the other in the arm. Consumed with ego the other boy retaliates by shoving again. This time in the path of Karen and her sled.
Joey exclaims, “Karen No!”
Karen with a sinister look on her face she grips the sleds metal handles so hard her hand print is molded into the steel and with the boys in her direct path takes off with such speed that a sonic boom is created from her take off. She blows past these boys with such speed that her steps left a fire trail melting the astroturf. As if the boys were brushed by a passing train they are tossed aside by the gust of wind.
From behind the smoke of the fire trail she left. She scoops up both boys my their collars, pulls them to her close and gently asks, “do you want to wrestle?” The boys make eye contact in fear.
Joey shakes his head quickly left to right… “Woah that was crazy,” he thinks.
As Karen releases the boys they scurry off like startled puppies Joey laments most of the theatrics like flames, sonic booms and smoke are the combination of too much caffeine and anime. None the less her speed with that sled was no fairy tale. “That sled was loaded with 200 pounds and she blitzed those boys,” Joey recounts.
Karens remaining exercises went well and with no one getting in the way. Once her workout was complete Karen would often challenge me to see who could last the longest. She often just waits til I quit or the gym closes. Though this space is sacred to Karen… make even the faintest of noise, breath through your mouth or by some cosmic mistake you fart she will teach you lessons not often learned. This session lasted for an hour.
I walked Karen to the door and waved her on. I let some time pass as I know she lives near by. My goal is to sprint by her patio yelling her name she said she would catch me.
Peering down at his watch Joey thinks,
“Three,
Two,
One.”
Joey takes off…
Drifting the corner leading to Karen’s Patio he picks up a rock slinging it at her window.
In slow motion the small rock spirals at her bedroom window and from behind the small wall that she stands at each morning sprouts a sausage fingered hand catching the rock in chop sticks. Karen was eating a chicken flavored ramen noodles waiting for Joey.
Joey seeing her catch the rock distracts him as he trips on ice thrown on the ground. Loosing his balance he looks up and Karen with a brand new red dodgeball peers over the patio wall and rockets the ball at Joey’s face.
Joey woke up on his couch with a mug of steaming chicken ramen noodles, a medium rare steak and a post it that said, “I told you I would get you.” Signed Karen.
As days pasted Karen’s next session was coming up and Joey noticed some things change at the gym.
Those boys don’t seem to come on days Karen comes and for good reason. Joey has become aware the boys are also much more well behaved.
Next Time On…
Mr. Sods 
I just love Karen!!!!!
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