Karen the Vigilante: Ken’s Competition Part One

Last Time On…

Karen put Ken through the toughest three days of his life. Full of shenanigans at Mondo Mart, epic training montages and the unavailing of Ken’s new outfit.

“Awesome!” Ken states holding his axe above his head like he is Thor summoning thunder.

After all those days and this theatrical outfit the duo called it a night which meant Ken went to bed and Karen went out after a nap in her sensory deprivation tank with a velcro-ed Smith & Wesson Model 29 Revolver on the wall inside just incase someone would dare interrupt her meditations.

The night rolled on as usual that is.

“Its the butt crack of morning” Karen thinks to herself, “as Ken would put it.” As she makes her way to the loft.

Labored breathing is felt and not heard throughout Karen’s warehouse like the hot breath of a lion. In her teeth a fly swatter as she ascends the rope leading to the loft like spider-man up his web. She scales it as if gravity doesn’t effect her.

Karen carefully places her hands on the platform of the loft and pulls herself into a handstand then down into a crawling position up to the mattress where a fluffy mound of Ken lays. She pulls back the covers as the other hand is equipped with the swatter ready to smack him awake.

Swat!

Karen slams her metal swatter down on a mound of pillows expecting Ken’s head as feathers fill the loft.

Click Click…

Ken pulls down on the chain turning on the lamp as he sits in the reading nook. “Are you looking for me?”

Karen walks through a cloud of feathers as thick as a lush rainforest emerging and saying, “ah… you are ready.” With a smirk she swings down.

“What about the feathers?” Ken asks as three small vacuum drones fly into the loft sucking up all the feather. “Are those the new suck-it drones?!” Ken exclaims.

“Indeed it is.” Karen retorts.

Ken walks over to the boxing ring and waves Karen over getting into a horse stance. Karen knows what he is up to as they both in unison….

In an all out crumping like movements Ken and Karen begin belting, “Outrage & Justice… These are my virtues and my power is megaphone. My ability allows me to express my opinion without any interruption. This allows me to stop the wrong doings around me. For this I am proud.” Nodding to his sibling as he now understands a bit more of his blood.

Both dripping with sweat as they generated so much heat that the steam from them became thick enough to set off the fire alarms. Karen casually pulls a throwing knife from her sports braw and throws it up destroying the alarm and halting the sound.

“I heard you come back from patrol and knew that once I heard that you would try to wake me in a special way.” Ken prods Karen.

Karen turns her head, smirks and says, “continue.”

“Once you got back I woke up even though you are pretty silent I left a gum wrapper at each entrance point and listened for the crumple.” Karen nods in respect. “Next I stuffed my bed with pillows and with a rope I got from MondoMart climbed down the back of the loft and made my way to your nook.”

“Well done.” Karen states and says nothing more walking to the bathroom to change. As she walks away she says, “we are going to DBD. I’m hungry.”

“D…B…D?” Ken stutters.

“What’s that exactly Karen?” Ken waving his hand gesturing to explain.

Karen ignores him and walks to the truck. She jumps in and starts it up as Ken quickly pulls his pants up. In the midst dressing himself just in time to hop into the bed of the truck just as Karen takes off out the garage hallway.

Ken has one hand gripped on the roll cage of the cabin and in the other finishing a bagel he was enjoying when Karen took off.

After zipping through the city Karen times every light perfect and when she sees a red coming she knows of allies the perfect size for her truck and nothing else. Like a live maze she navigates the city til they drift sidewise into a parking spot of DBD.

“Welcome to The Dive Bar Diner!” Karen’s hand extended out with a grin on her face as Ken gazes on what looks like a rundown and repurposed strip bar turned part diner. The neon sign the reads the name of this dumpy diner bar only illuminates the D…B…D so that how people refer to it. Most of the other letters have rusted out, busted by a beer bottle or insert reason here.

“This place is shit!” Ken states with a face of pure disgust.

“Why?!” Ken standing his ground in the bed of the truck still.

Karen spins around as if to break out into a family guy musical moment with that creepy grind explains. “Oh Ken you simple, booger eating, moron. I can get two of my favorite things here any time I want 24 hours.”

“And those are…..?!” Ken gesturing for her to speed it up.

“Unlimited breakfast foods and a fight.” Karen says as she spins her head around to the door.

Ken is standing at the door holding it open, “you had me at breakfast foods.” Ken sprinted to the door once breakfast left her mouth.

“Suppose we are related.” Karen says walking in and nodding to her brother holding the door. “Linda did learn you some manners.”

“That’s about all mom did do.” Ken laments.

The duo sit in the corner booth being able to have a panoramic view of the whole diner.

“We are here to warm up on some fools and fuel up for the competition.” Karen states sporting the seemingly etched in sinister grin.

Chewing gum like a cow chews cud the waitress arrives asking, “whats can I gets yous two?” Slurring her word already drunk in the morning.

“We will have all the bacon, eggs and toast.” Karen states clearly enunciating every letter. The waitress scribbles turns and begins to walk away. Karen like a striking snake grabs the woman’s arm spins her around which causes the waitress to vomit in her mouth a bit.

“Swallow it!” Karen Commands. The waitress does. Karen continues, “I’m afraid that what you heard was I wanted a lot of bacon, eggs and toast. I want to be clear…”

Karen clears her throat, “…I WANT ALL THE OF THE BACON EGGS AND TOAST YOU HAVE.”

As if that pep talk sobered her up the waitress jots it down bows and takes off as you can hear a large commotion in the kitchen.

“So eat and fight huh?!” Ken asks they both begin shoving toast in their mouths.

“Yeah…” Karen says as she munches toast, then bacon, then eggs, then water, swallow and repeat.

Both siblings begin to devour the entirety of this diner’s supplies of bacon, eggs and toast. Karen stands up and cracks her knuckles followed by a large belch.

“Let’s fight someone.” Karen says loudly.

“Don’t we have to pay?!” Ken states.

“Nah the club owner thinks I don’t know but due to me coming her eating all their food and finding fights he bought the place and pays for all repairs and food I eat. He thinks I don’t know. Which is why I bounce his clubs for free. Oh and he covers my groceries when I do goto the market here in town. He owns that place too.” Karen goes on as she scans the patrons.

Ken cracks his knuckles and belches as particles of toast fly from his mouth. Spare strips of bacon are squirreled away in his beard and more in his pockets.

“Who you want?” Ken asks.

Just then Karen spots a man about to slap his girlfriend and takes off. Ken watches as Karen sprints down the bar and before approaching the large man, she goes into a slide and kicks the back of his leg making the mountain of a man crumble onto Karen. Karen then like an octopus wraps his limbs up hooking each of his arms and knees pits with her limbs. The man struggles to get out and Karen sit back and let him tire out. Just as he gives up a small amount of slack, Karen snakes her arm around his neck sustaining a back position. Her right elbow is under his chin as she grabs her left shoulder as she laces the other arm behind his head and takes a big breath in. A strong inhale echoes the bar like a room of yogis and…

This behemoth of a man head to toe in leather passes out as his brain was staved of oxygen. Pushing him off Karen gets up as the four men behind him during the scuffle stand wearing the same leather jackets.

Looking back to Ken who is chomping on bacon and giggling, “these guys are yours Ken.”

Ken stops laughing and swallows the bacon in his mouth as he smiles with chips of bacon in his teeth.

Karen spins around to the four men ready to fight and say, “thats my brother their and he told me once I take the small guy out he wants you chumps for himself.” Winking as Karen summer-salts off the large man, walking back to Ken and sitting down in the booth and saying, “go on you dingus.”

“Bring me pie!” Karen proclaims to the startled waitress.

“We have a show on our hands!” She proclaims to the other patrons.

Cheers are heard booming from the bar. The mix of sea shanties and commotion can be picked up from the mall across the street where fancy folk with their nice bags and toy animals turns their noses up at the patrons. Ken begins waving his hands together up several times encouraging the rowdy nature bellowing from the bar. Much like a pop star wanting to get the right peak of noise before the beat drops Ken with his hands out to his sides hands vibrating.

Huffing and puffing come from the four men pissed that this man is teasing them as the bar cheers, “FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!” Most of the regulars know what is going down as they have seen Karen do this many times.

As if out of a television show Ken seems to pause time to turn to Karen and ask, “are these guys bad?”

Karen midst shoving pie in her mouth says, “yeah… local biker gang… they like to beat on people that don’t have their transparent pigment.” Karen shoves more pie in her pie hole chews and continues, “so yeah no worries have fun they earned it and so have you. Remember this is a warm up for tonight so no fancy moves just get limbered up with these fools.”

The bikers see the disrespect of Ken talking to Karen as if not concerned so they all pull out bike chains they wrap around their hands and take off at Ken.

“Heads up moron,” Karen points with her fork as pie flies from her mouth.

Ken turns his head and gins taking a bite of more bacon. Ken blitzes down the bar as he side steps and dodges each man barreling at him as he continues to casually eat more bacon from his pocket. Once to the bars front door Ken asks, “anyone want to leave?”

Several people run out as the rest cheer on, “FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!”

Ken states, “very well, enjoy the show folks.” Ken locks the front door asking the puzzled men, “are you sure about this boys?”

The men stunned for a moment at the speed and agility of this husky, short man. Then snap out of it and take off for Ken again. Like a row of line backers hunting down the player with the ball these men lumbered forward.

“Alllrighhhhhty Theeeennn!” Ken calls out and takes off like an olympic sprinter rockets off the starter block.

Sprinting by the man his sister took out, Ken sees he is waking up so on the way to his friends he low five slaps the large man back to sleep and charges on. He approaches the first two men with a quickness that even caught Karen’s eye. Ken casually as it seems by his expression dodges every hay maker and cross the first two men threw like baseballs out of a pitching machine. Despite the pace Ken dodges them as he consumes more of his bacon with his pinkies out as to mock these men.

Screaming over to Karen, “Hey those drills really worked Im not tired at all!” As he continues to dodge and guzzle bacon. Karen gives him a thumbs up and sarcastic smile as to say, “duh.”

The first two men decked out in full leather garments are gassing out as Ken continues to show no fatigue. These two bikers glance at each other wondering when they will land a hit when Ken vanishes from their view. Popping up behind them as he lands precise and lethal liver punches leaving bacon grease behind on their jackets. The first two men drop and Ken moves on to the next two who seem unshaken.

Finishing her first full pie Karen asks, “need help?”

“Nah… just more of the same here.” Ken retorts when….

The last two bikers wake up in the hospital with the other three badly beaten with neck braces and hospital tags of their own wrists. None could remember what happened.

After wiping them out which by description of all the patrons there was, “he turned into a blur.”

The waitress after Ken finished up brought two full pie with her eyes as clear and sober as they have ever been in her life asked, “what happened there just now? I couldn’t see what happened. It was a blur.”

Karen explains, “Ken here used a technique I showed him where you distract the opponent and hit vital points on the body which will send a person into a small comma. You saw a blur because you were focused on the distraction as well.”

Ken jumps in the booth saying, “remember I threw the bacon i had left in my pocket in the air and everyone looks at the bacon.”

The two siblings devour the two pies only communicating in grunts and smirks. Once finished both stand from the booth letting out a simultaneous belch as they make there way to the truck stepping over the men as three ambulances pull up.

Next Time On…

Karen the Vigilante: Ken’s Competition Part Two