Forgiveness is the wholesome diet of the soul. It can lend perspective, clarity, weightlessness and hope. Bitterness lends itself to loathing and emptiness.

I learned true forgiveness at the age of 18.

I learned it from my Father through example. He taught me that even though you have a shaded history it does not mean the future can’t be bright. My parent’s divorced when I was 6 years old. To me its normal as I realized through my life is they are like oil and vinegar… If you don’t continue to shake the bottle they will always separate. Being with someone who has had a radically different upbringing and view on the world can be hard without the top notch communication. They were not prepared and the process of divorce and custody took a lot out of them both.

I entered a 3 year span where I didn’t speak to my Mother. I needed to discover who I was and couldn’t do that while supporting my Mother’s mental turmoil.

Despite their shaded history my Father recommended that my Mother should be invited to my graduation from highschool. He lamented it was my choice at the end of the day.

I chose to agree.

This would be the catalyst to learning the true meaning of forgiveness. I can say now with perspective, understanding and a willingness to listen all gaps can be bridged. Your bridge won’t look the same as any other’s so keep in mind they will all look different.

While in that 3 years span I discovered confidence, respect and value. These were only possible because of the distance I allowed myself. That space opened opportunity. I know my personality was rough and I definitely said many things knowing they would cut deep. None the less my Father is a patient and determined man. He was sure to marinade me in better surroundings and guidance.

Though I did not speak to my Mother she was going through her own metamorphoses. That side of the story is for her to explain and share, but I say today she has a grasp on who she is. The who she was before was always in fear and ready to defend herself and especially her children. This defensiveness was not of her creation but a mechanism created when she was little.

Choosing to open myself back up to my Mother is one the most influential things I have done in my life. The amount I have learned about myself by learning about her has made much of my self discovery that much more validating as I aim for her to continue to do the same. Our relationship now is that of respect and being very understanding of all we share.

Not sure who I would be if I chose who hold onto pain from a past that was misunderstood. I will also share with anyone who reads this that if you are the child of a broken relationship realize that you are the bridge. My parents are forever reminded of the other struggle and all. Being the child who displays the traits, mannerisms and language of someone who you have a hard time to be around is rough. I have much compassion for them both when I had retorted to something they said mimicking their opposite as to gain a rise in reaction. What a little shit head. I knew what I was doing so some of the reactions are on me for sure. No parent is perfect and everyone has a story. Despite my personality’s growing pains I feel the experiences of being the child in the middle gave me a strong understanding of communication.

With my ability of making words sound nice together I have found that with communication I would lend perspective to my parents to help them both heal old wounds. Beyond finding the spark that would catch and create the heat of my personality today being fully who each of them are created the bridge I extend to them both. I have allowed them both to better understand each other through me. From times that they may have become annoyed by the others traits surfacing; I now can articulate the gifts each of their traits have given me.

That when they feel they have most fucked up (sorry Pops I needed a punchy word) they actually taught me the most. They both have responded to adversity in different universes, but it does not diminish that they are both equally resilient in their own ways.

Wisdom is not fashion in just one way.

Wisdom instead is time seen differently.

These two people one oil and the other vinegar who could never really mix created a bold vinaigrette. I am smooth and tangy.

If you have the gift of learning about those who raised you take the time. I will never look back on the relationships I hold with both parents with regret.

“There is always another way,” is one of my father’s most philosophic sayings that I initially thought pertained to confrontation. It is now that I see it have become much more within my values.

In my previous post There’s Always Another Way I speak about my experience of living in Hawaii. Noticing that most people settle their problems with hands rather than words.

Believing there is another way to solve a problem has burrowed itself into my psyche like the roots of a tree mapping itself in the soil below.

I recognize this sayings prominence in me when met with a difficult problem. I am human so I do get frustrated and stuck on things that baffle me, but I can’t just give up…

There is always another way.

I find that when someone tells me something isn’t possible much like how my mother use to pull the hair on the back of my neck for not holding the door open for others; isn’t possible halts me every time. Isn’t possible is disgusting, Isn’t possible makes you quit, Isn’t possible limits you, And isn’t possible won’t find what is.

Now to be clear Im aware that I’m not six plus feet tall so a career in basket ball isn’t easy to achieve, but there is always a way. Lets dive into this example. Lets say you are an even five feet tall and you want to be a professional basketball player.

To make up for your height difference what can be done? Take a second to think about it… I have come up with many. Thought that is only because I enjoy asking nonsense questions. I won’t list them as this is a question for you to answer to yourself.

Jordan Peterson once said, if you ask yourself an honest question you will come up with an answer. (Paraphrasing Of Course) He explains that a powerful enough question will illicit an honest response. The question then remains are you willing to listen to it and take action. Most won’t, but you don’t have to be most.

So with a powerful question can trigger an amazing unthought of solution.

My father’s lesson that there is always a way was supercharged with my mother’s passionate energy lets say and is why this has become branded into my soul. I use to think very little of myself. The only reason that mattered was how I saw myself and the lens I saw myself through was covered with shit. It took time to clear those glasses I saw the world through. During that time I was clearing my view I quit everything I did.

Now I embody that saying repeated above. I can not be told I can’t do something. This rebellious nature can be channeled into productivity. This boundless energy leaves me with a constant effort that can be given infinitely.

Here is the trick… You have to stay in line with it.

My partner will sometimes doubt her capabilities. She is a software engineer which means her job is doing constant puzzles all day long.

WHILE SITTING! I do not understand how she sits and does that… its a gift. Im a physical worker most the time. This writing I do is an exception.

I digress… each and every time she is frustrated with a puzzle piece that is missing from her code that will make it work she will tailspin into doubt. This strikes a hand full of flairs in my soul, like a mother lifting a car to save her baby I become enveloped with rage at the injustice my partner is placing on herself. I lunge at her like a cheetah in the wild, sprinting at her and with the linguistic ninjitsu of Mr. Miyagi to stop her from foiling her potential. With the articulation of Jordan Peterson I single handedly dismantle all bs she is telling herself. My main winning argument is that she has solved things before that she didn’t know then. Which then allows her to repeat the cycle of masterfully solving another bug in the system.

She does this for me as well. We are making quite the team.

For someone to lend themselves to the service of there is always a way one must live it as much as possible.

Meet problems with the gusto that there is always a solution because when this is done properly as long as you have time you will find an answer.

That’s why this works so well… It’s an internal belief that we will figure it out. I will always figure it out.

Knowing this means I need to keep myself in the condition to do so. Mentally Physically Spiritually

This is my Spirituality… Consistent belief that I will sort it out.

Finding a true dialectic with one’s self can be cathartic. It can be maddening. It can be confusing. It can also garner clarity in times where the answer wasn’t clear.

How one comes to see their life with more grace and patients is predicated on how smooth they handled the challenges. Having a healthy dialectic with ones self can become the key.

“The dialectic is when two people have a conversation and a third thing gets known.”-Jordan Peterson. I came across this term while listening to a podcast.

Jordan states, “If I had a dialectic with myself I could sit and get quiet and ask myself a question and come up with an answer.” Jordan Continues… “I think of it as my greater sense of intelligence.”

This understanding that talking to yourself is a cheat code within life that can allow you do have a dialectic with yourself which can result in a greater understanding of the world around you. Thereby a greater sense of intelligence.

Though using internal dialog as your only source can become damaging as well especially if you never speak to anyone else about these topics. Your ideas may be great, but allowing yourself to learn from others gives you plenty more as well.

The dialog we have with ourselves can be happening with many parts of ourselves… Ego Knowledge Intuition

Ego is the one that tells us what we want to here. It can be our protector or aggressor like a dog behind a fence barking whatever is on the other side. The ego can’t often see through the fence of perception and will often lash out in fear. The lashing out done by ones ego is different for everyone. Fight, flight or freeze are often the options the ego wants to take for self preservation purposes. Much like the dog barking it is you the guardian that needs to remind the dog there is nothing to worry about. Sometimes the ego can be tricky like a dog can encourage laziness to avoid even trying at all. Leaving you to feel that the important can wait to be done tomorrow. The self preservation game is tricky to play, but once you have decided on a path worth the time; focus on the practice of mastery. When focused the ego can become the loyal companion to success. You must always hold the leash instead of being leashed.

Knowledge which when we age becomes wisdom is a powerful tool. We take facts and experiences in life that inform us on how things around us function. With this accumulated knowledge we can asses a situation with pre-learned experience. Wisdom being Knowledge learned over Time. Wisdom is the aged wine of knowledge grapes. The trick with wisdom is that its main ingredient is time. Patience is the skill to master here. It is only when we have learned to enjoy the process, being eager to find more is when we truly learn truths in life. The accumulation over time like a well tended garden will give a plenty of nutritional wealth. This wealth of knowledge isn’t often visible through sight though is often clear when listened to intently and without predicated on appearance. Everyone holds a lesson you may not know yet.

Intuition is often very interesting as it is the most elusive and yet most powerful. Intuition, Gut Feeling, Spirit, And Faith.

These are all branches of the same tree. What becomes fascinating is that everyone sees the same experience in different ways based on pure feeling.

For me my intuition often comes to me as if my spirit or soul picks up on something my other human senses can not. One’s spirit can also be seen as an extension of a higher power or supreme being. Belief in a higher power gives solid ground to start building upon. Everyone’s version will be different of what God may be and yet the pure faith that comes from having your values defined and clear makes life more effortful. We all have something that energizes us. Some will call this their purpose, calling or gift. Accessing your gift is the truest representation of an actualized life.

Our gifts can express in different ways. For me its a calculated method with raw unrefined power. My gift is perspective and my way to express it fully is with writing as when I speak sometimes the intention or message isn’t often received. When I focus on it and write it out my thoughts come across more concise.

Often those with a gut feelings come from a more simple and powerful instinct. This can be found in officers, firefighters, soldiers and warriors. The sharp instinct that a decision needs to be made and to make an accurate successful choice in the heat of moment is the guts true power. If you have ever seen any martial art where two opponents square off and try to dismantle each other. There are amazing moments where one calculated movement and punch or kick secured instant victory. OR! One of my favorite moments is a fathers reflex of catching their falling child. Go down that rabbit whole on youtube later.

Intuition has a final form it can take…. Psychic Abilities!

I personally don’t know if being psychic is actually real. I also know my human brain can’t perceive everything in the world. Just like a dog can’t see certain colors a human brain can only access so much awareness. Though I may not believe psychic abilities exist and yet their are plenty in my family that think they are. Growing up around these people has given me a perspective more akin to fascination like we react to magic.

Suspended belief…

That doesn’t mean I disregard a message psychically, but I do measure my life with more calculation over whimsy. Tips of the future or unseen perspectives are always nice to hear.

For me I feel that for a psychic ability to make sense is that this person’s brain chemistry is balanced different than others possibly allowing them to access abilities the rest of us are just a few chemical drops away from. After all the body does produce similar psychedelic chemicals to the drugs out in the market. Or another simpler answer to feeling psychic is just that a feeling.

I choose calculation, yet someone with a strong creativity within them may lend itself to altering someones perception of life into psychic ability.

Any way it comes to you intuition is a potent source.

Go on a walk and dive into a healthy dialectic with yourself.

Ask questions of yourself.

If you ask an honest question you will always come up with an answer. Where that answer came from will allow you to notice the nuances of your understanding.

What if? Is always a good start.

Mascots are the symbols that represent each school, team or group’s intention. You can see this in the manifestation of a football team of a school called the bulldogs. They want to be stable, fearless and courageous. As human creatures we will often do the same when we say spirit animal.

As people with these fantastical minds and spirits we want to identify with something. Those somethings give us a scaffolding to establish our identities.

Similar aspects happen when we experience. Everyone tends to see through their own specially colored and tented lens to which they view life. This fact follows us all in everything we do, see and interact with. These lenses are influenced by what our parents believe as they are the gate keepers to our development. These lenses are updated by those who we surround ourselves with. These lenses are mutated by experience. These lenses lend us or special and specific opinions on experience.

What a magical phenomena to go through life and engaging with others who see life in different ways. This is the mysticism behind communication. I love communication because I am personally fascinated with how others see the world through their lenses.

My partner and I have different relationships with cardio. Usually I am on a bicycle and she is running. We both aim for a given time and take off for however much of a distance is covered. Sometimes I may even start my bike ride finish early and chase her down on foot.

Our goal for this endeavor is not to train for any sport, but to come to a place of enlightenment. This time is for us to scrub clean the week before us and set our minds off fresh to the next.

What is truly amazing is that the paths we take to get to the same grace at the end are completely different. She chooses to take a path of grace to obtain the grace. I choose to take a path of suffering to find my grace.

First I will describe how her run goes to better explain why she is the graceful one in the partnership. The run to her is a time of encouragement and positive reenforcement. She maps herself first a distance she knows she can complete therefore setting herself up for success. During the run she reminds herself of the pace she can and has always been able to sustain to complete this distance. Then along the way in moments of fatigue or pain will either reassure herself that she has done this before and can persist as she has before or compassionately will slow down to regain the strength to push on. Like a loving mother teaching her child that this discomfort too shall pass she then completes this run. She finishes each time with an amazement and confidence of completion.

Now for me… I like to suffer.

My experience is very different and very satisfying for myself. For my partner she is bolstering her resolve and fortifying her determination. I am testing myself. I want to know how deep does my resolve go. I want to know if I have more in the tank and how deep is that tank. This allows me to find out how much am I leaving behind on any given day.

I will explain….

As she aims for a distance and proceeds to beat the time. I set myself a time and proceed to trample the distance. For now the time that we set aside is 40 minutes. She then aims for a 5k as she knows that even at her slowest she can achieve that distance. For myself I cover as much ground as is possible in 20 minutes to then turn around and finish faster than in the first half. Sometimes if my bike time is fast enough I can lock it and chase her down which becomes as satisfying as a dog catching a frisbee mid air.

My approach is not meant to be nice, but also isn’t meant to be negative. It is a test of will and grit. Even at the time of posting this I am at the tail end of recovering from my most intense injury of my life. And yet I find profound satisfaction in the survival of great suffering. I’m sure that over time this injury will have brought me transcendent lessons that shape my reality. I can feel those lessons even now as I continue to heal.

There are many cultures that have their own tests to gain enlightenment. Some choose academic feats, Some may choose artistic expression, Some fall into deep meditation under a freezing waterfall, and Some run thousands of miles.

The best question to ask yourself is… How will you find your peace and understanding? What funnel will you place yourself in to find your answers to life?