Hand crafted wooden rocking chair, finished in a patiently applied lacker which glazes the wood as if blow from glass. Customized cushion made from a swanky mattress company. Its beveled lumbar support from a steaming bending method of the wood. Etched into the side are all the ones you love in order of age. Sitting upon your family tree.

Gazing through the supports of your patio witnessing the well manicured property you have amassed. Sipping your cold brew coffee that is made in barrels in your back yard like wine to be tapped and consumed.

Taking a deep breath in your nostrils are flurried with the wholesome sent of a working land. Work that you do daily and you feel as robust and strong as you did in your twenties.

Invincible while not ignorant.

Wisdom meeting ability.

This is how I plan my mornings to look as an older human of the future. When I think of myself in this future I think to myself….

How would I feel of my mistakes?

How would you look back on your life?

With laughter and resolve. Hopefully.

“If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present.” – Lao Tuzla

When in the present and at peace we can often take ourselves to the past or future thinking in negative ways that only pose to be a stress. Even the moment after such an action or outcome being regretful can be instead be humble and graceful when in the presence of a lesson.

I practice this as much as possible and it’s because a drill sergeant lives in my head and always has to tell me when and where I have fucked up. He is ruthless and always right.

The way to combat is to have no shame of a mistake. This allows you to hear the message from the drill sergeant without the hate and fear.

It is ok to not be proud of your actions.

Instead of spending energy scolding yourself over something you will chuckle about is silliness. Use that drill sergeant for correction, not punishment.

With this resolve you can gain the ability to never be shoved off your path towards your goals by a simple f@ck up. You will instead laugh in the face or regret and shame knowing the lesson will make you far better than you were before.

A New Update to Your Software.

Look upon yourself with the grace, guidance, kindness and care of an elderly you.

Remember there is a lesson hidden in all the pain and struggle.

Taking a deep breath in the middle of a bustling park. You hear all the collective hum of the surroundings as they form a beautiful unplanned orchestra. Birds flapping their wings as rhythmic chirps leave their beaks communicating a coordinated dance in the sky. A gentleman in a suit on his phone wheeling and dealing on his lunch break. The squeaky wheel of a stroller being charged forth by the organic machine of a running mother. She has a determination fueled by the onlooking of her child below. A dog mid air joyfully mid bite into a frisbee mid flight only to in such silly fashion miss it and tumble to the ground. Popping up and trying again like Sisyphus rolling his bolder up a maintain only for it to roll down again. The young couple beside you on the bench arguing about nonsense.

This can be what its like in my head; absorbing all information around like Sherlock Holmes without any long term retention. Being in the midst of chaos can become in its own way meditative.

Like driving a car may seem like a stressful situation as your brain is tasked with taking in info going upwards of 30mph. Being aware, cautious, planning, executing turns and navigation can be deplorable.

Or Peaceful.

I take my deepest and fullest breaths in the middle of chaos like driving. The kind of breath that seems to recharge the who battery. Everything took a noticeable improvement. This breath is peace mentioning its arrival.

When told I am over-thinking something I understand the gesture and yet I reject its judgement.

What makes me a….. Human is that my ability to think is my evolutionary advantage over other species.

This does indeed complicate things, but its also beautiful to witness. The ability with almost no effort is amazing to say the least.

My largest example is the set it and forget ability of the mind. If I have a question that I have yet to find an answer for I will place it on the metaphoric back burner of my mind. Chewing on it like a piece of gum no conscious effort at all and yet doing so without having to monitor progress.

This ability allows me to let the little versions of me untangle a question in the back ground as I occupy my true self with work, driving or any other doingness. Yes… Doingness.

Do not allow the enjoyment of over thinking take away from action this is where most peoples concern with it comes from. Too much thinking and no action leads you nowhere.

But!

Accurately and thoughtfully analyzing a question or situation is what so many great minds have done to discover things like electricity.

Observe and enjoy.

For those that don’t know, vehicles don’t just come in automatic transmission. There exists manual transmission, which is the type where you decide when there is a shifting up or down in performance based on the required terrain. I find that manual transmission like fitness gives you control of your performance.

When I was being taught to drive a manual transmission by my father it was a very intimidating and daunting task. He would take me to the steep streets of Manhattan Beach, park in the middle, pull the e-break and say start here. Rolling back at high speeds was a real concern. Then after a week of practice it was like playing a real life video game. The car no longer told me what it could do; I would control it. This creates a symbiotic flow between you and the vehicle. Such a connection had allowed me to be more aware and tuned into the goings on around me. Staying conscious and present has prevented a few accidents in my years of driving. Defensive driving is what my mother calls it. 

This has similar parallels to the human body. Some argue that the mind and consciousness is housed in a meat vehicle called the body. This may be a concept outside the box, but there are truths within this idea. You are the operator of a human body and it requires presence and connection. Just like a car if you wake up and immediately take off sprinting right out of bed I promise you will injure yourself. A vehicle will be sluggish at the start of ignition. 

Treating your body as a high performance vehicle makes sense once applied. The difference is, being that this vehicle is biological it is vastly more complex and has far more to give. You can exist on no sleep and still persist to push on. Don’t believe me? Listen to anything by David Goggins. 

I personally enjoy the refreshing rush that comes from finding more in my biological gas tank. That you can always find a new level if it is indeed important.
I have taken up a habit of running and realize that if I want to I can encourage myself to go up a gear even if my governor is saying stop or risk injury.  
I am thrilled when I can go to new levels within myself. It bolsters a sense of accomplishment that no one can disprove. It’s solid proof that there is power within you. 

Try this out….
Wake up tomorrow and don’t even pick up your phone.

Do this instead:
Wake Up
Brush Teeth
Drink Large Glass of Water (Slowly & Enjoy)
Put on Music (Headphones to respect others around you.)
Get your body loose and Stretch.
Then make decisions.

For me I have to burn through the tired thoughts, stiff muscles and sore appendages so that I’m not making decisions from a place of weakness, but strength. 

Make your own routine that makes you feel alive and I bet your days will be better.

For a rougher approach check out my other post…
Killing the Inner B@tch

Regret holds a lot of weight in the woke and developed communities.
It symbolizes that you shouldn’t look to your past with negativity for what has happened and instead move forward owning that misstep.

I feel that having regrets, even just one, is powerful. There are two reactions of regret that are powerful motivators….

Embarrassment and Disappointment.

These two reactionary feelings are amazing tools for understanding where a mistake was made. Having a regret can be negative if you let it. 

I see regrets as a major alert. Something I did or agreed to resulted in an outcome not favorable. These alerts from regret allow me to own the fact that a mistake was made and I must make steps in a direction that is healthy. 

For example, while living in Hawaii my brother came to visit for a week. At this time he was still living at home. I had been living on the island for a few years at this point with a studio, reliable car, and job. What I realized when he stayed with me for a week is that he had yet to live on his own and was operating as such. Leaving clothes piled in the corner, dishes from dinner not done, and an unawareness of the impact on another person. This was a small studio so all this was very noticeable. 

When I dropped him off at the airport at the end of that trip I told him that I did’t want to have him stay with me or live with him in the future with his standards being so low. 

His reaction is why he is family. He shaped up.

By the time he was living out of his parents home he realized what I had said. He worked hard on killing the habits that brought shame to our brotherhood. I am proud that he took these steps. 

Without that trip that was regrettable and the honest ownership of that regret there would have been no change. This change would echo into his life from that point forward. My brother is now someone I would gladly live with. 

Regret doesn’t have to be so negative. It is a powerful emotion that deserves its respect and attention which is why it is one that I feel is majorly important.

Own your past, but don’t repeat the same mistake twice. This is an alert and alerts are meant to be heard and acted on.

This is a continuation of a previous post…
Something that Sucks.

After implementing a daily running habit I realized that until I have warmed up I have no say on if I can or can’t exercise. 

I have to kill my inner b@tch each morning before I start the day. The best way to accomplish that is doing something that sucks. The trick is treating that something that sucks like it is doing damage to your inner b@tch.

But, what is an inner bitch?
Great Question Viewer!

It’s the voice that says, “You can do that later.”
This b@tch voice is deceptive and crafty.

“Thats how your governor works…. it massages your ego even as it stops you short of your goals.” – David Goggins

The governor is the system within you that is responsible for your well being through the means of slowing you down for safety.
Don’t swim too far because we may get too tired to swim back and live another day.

The issue is that this system that keeps us alive starts to become a problem when life is no longer a dangerous as it was with dinosaurs.
I struggle with this chirping doubt that is controlled by ego and influenced by self preservation. My solution for years was negative self talk and force.
I thought that if I treat it like a rival fighter that it will be scared and run off. Issue is that the inner b@tch’s buddy ego knows everything about you and can mask itself as your own voice telling you its ok to stop short.
With this running habit I have learned I can run every single day if I want to; that all I have to do is get my body warmed up and then we are good to go in nearly any condition.
The ability to push yourself when it is most difficult is highlighted in David Goggins’s story.

Negative self talk only leaves you with more debt down the road mentally. It is as similar to any amphetamine; when you take it you can get so much done, but drained twice as much as you would have been prior. 
Negative self talk corrupts you like a 90s computer virus, slowly mocking you along the way. Once it has taken you it is very difficult to get clean once more.

My solution to this is to have myself a tight morning routine. This routine leaves no room for anything but action. The more I can get into doing and less idling the less room there will be for the negative self talk.
Killing your inner b@tch takes time. It takes as long as cycles and cycles of antibiotics to get rid of an infection.

“Kill them with kindness.” – Steven Soderquist 

Killing with kindness and possibility is the key. Keeping your head up and held high even if the tide is washing over your face. It’s important that in the times that are toughest you push on. 
Sometimes pushing on is as simple as finishing your homework early instead of before the class next day. 

If it feels like homework do it now. In no way will waiting get it done. 

Arriving home from work I pull into the narrow driveway that leads to my spot in the apartment parking garage. I reach for the garage clicker in my dash to open the crummy gate. The button is loose so it’s like fishing a shell out of a bowl of cracked eggs. Once the gate opens I see at the end of the driveway before the gate and wall are two of my neighbors talking.

Bing! Mental Note Incoming….

What would it feel like to drive my car into both these men as I pin them to the gate; watching as they realize death is near? 

Nah, thats nonsense. I pull my car into my spot. 
I wave to my neighbors as I head to my apartment. 

Is this crazy? 

Jim Carrey in his 1994 stand up special had a joke that explains how insanity works. The concept of the joke is that insanity is saying yes to the wrong thought. 

So is it that we all have these thoughts that are wrong and seem to barge their way into our mind like a swat team in a crack house, or are these thoughts something to monitor because they are clues to bigger issues?

Personally I have intrusive thoughts all the time. The difference with me is I have a tea party with them. 
Think about the family member you have that when they show up you know they will cause problems. You make conversation when they slither near you, but once you have an opening to walk away you take it. This family member is invited every year even though the problems persist. 

This is how I treat negative and intrusive thoughts. I sit down like a therapist and talk to them over mental tea. I have the thought explain itself and why it’s important. 
After you hear a thought out its easier to dismiss them. 
Try dismissing horniness without actually addressing it as a teenager. It’s impossible and so it is for intrusive thinking. 

You are talking to yourself?
That is crazy!
Yes and no….

Many people talk to themselves all the time. Self reflection, prayer, meditation, journaling, blogging, vlogging and so on. There are many methods for reflection. 
Also understand that I am greeting these thoughts with compassion and reason. I don’t judge myself for them; instead I try to understand. Treating my thoughts like toddlers. 

Joe Rogan on a recent podcast shared a possibility that thoughts are something that either affect or infect us. That thoughts are not us, but a passing stranger greeting us. 

Thoughts are just that… 
Something that passes by with some kind of knowledge. And if you pay attention you can learn from them. 

What do your thoughts teach you?

Rest and I have a confusing relationship.
I’m not alone though because most people raised in city environments hear the same things…

“You can sleep when you are dead.”

This nonsense permeates the cultures I have lived in my whole life.
What they don’t tell you is that if you don’t get your sleep your death will come faster and with more pain.

AND YET!

I still have a massive struggle telling myself today is a good rest day. I woke up the morning of writing this post with this question in my head.

Should I rest today?
To answer such a question I go through a check list…

Am I too sore?
Yes

Could the soreness lead to injury?
Possibly due to the stiffness in my lower back which can lead to some strain if not careful. It has happened several times in the past. 

What is my ego saying?
We look weak when we rest.

What is resting?
Today I have a full days work so rest is relative term that means no workout is added. Work is a constant.

How was your sleep?
Got decent recovery and woke up very stiff.

What can be done today if not fitness that can benefit the next workout if skipped today?
Using my TimTam / stretching after work and before bed.

Am I missing any days of my fitness program?
Not missing any main days by taking a rest today. Today would have been a bonus fitness day.

Based on these questions I ask myself it would seem a tactical rest is permitted. Yet I still feel like a b@tch for the rest.

My father would say what I am experiencing is being filled with “piss and vinegar.’ He means by this that while in my 20s a man is all pent up all the time.

This “piss and vinegar” is the same substance that brings some dumb men to think…

“Dick sucks ain’t cheating.” – Your Mom’s House Podcast

So with that in mind I do my best to ignore most of what my ego says.

The real enemy I am dealing with is my internal governor. Your governor is the part of you that stops you short to preserve your health. Just like how a vehicle may be able to go 130mph its governor doesn’t allow going past 80mph. 

“Thats how your governor works…. it massages your ego even as it stops you short of your goals.” – David Goggins

What David Goggins is speaking about is when you slow down when you are close to the finish instead of sprinting through, your governor is trying to preserve your well being and will tell your ego “we have done enough,” to get you to stop.

In regulating if your governor is right I like to use a few tools. 

Tool One: Live Autopsy 

This is a tool of David Goggins’ where you do a scan of your body mentally to find any issues that may be there. From this assessment you can see which systems are compromised or weak to dictate if the next action is warranted. 

Tool Two: Questions

Like I did above; asking questions is powerful. I treat myself like I am in an interview. I want to ask a lot of powerful questions to find the right answer. 

With these two tools I can trust I am finding the right answer.

I am also aware that with this decision the next two days must be days of exercise. If I use the rest today then there will be none the next two days.

This is important because now that I know I am not missing the next two days my hours of sleep must be kept and I should do major stretching today after work.

Trust yourself, but also don’t feed yourself bullsh@t.