I am too good for that. 
I’m better than that.
You can’t make me do it.
You live like this! Gross.
I’m better than you.
I can’t even imagine living like that.
Poor you. 

Being born in a specific region, time or place that seems better than others doesn’t mean you are better, it means only that you are different. 

“I’m not crazy…. I’m just not like you.” – David Goggins

The word “privilege” is used often in these times as an umbrella term that is associated with a specific “type” of people.

For example, 
White Privilege. 

Oooooooooooo ooooooooooooh! Yep that. 

This term is amazing to me because just as with any words used, it is the intent behind the words that matter and not the words themselves. 

“There is no such thing as magic words.” – Joe Rogan

Magic words are words that are imbued with power and effect. Somehow certain words or a combination of them elicit a reaction like a magic spell would. Saying a specific word or words to some people can make them enraged in one second. The intention behind the words is what is the spell, not the words themselves. 

Privilege is such a captivating spell in that it has so much layering nuance. 
Think about it….

This term implies a perspective that you don’t know that you don’t know. 

You don’t know what you don’t know. 

This sentence is powerful because how can you have an expectation of someone who hasn’t been taught lessons?

Albert Einstein wrote, “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

From my personal perspective white privilege is a real thing, but so is all types of privilege. My white privilege comes from being raised in the south bay in a working class income household. That would improve as my dad continued to work harder. I am aware that I was born with more than others had. I see how that has influenced my views on the world.

BUT!

My views constantly change because I’m constantly looking for change. I’m constantly looking to improve and master myself. Being hung up on magic words will do me no good. So my focus is on how I can alter my perspective to best view the whole landscape. 

Holding yourself to a higher standard is good, but thinking anyone who doesn’t see it your way is less than is a disservice to everyone. 

Take the path of understanding and let your ego that believes you are better to take a back seat to learning a new perspective.  

Aside from the lack of a strong drag of the open air these masks are something I enjoy.
I am a true introvert. 

As for me the mask allows a barrier to the world. A support blanket that hides me from others. There is some definite work to be done in this region of my mind, but for now I find peace in the solitude of my life. 

There is really only one person so far that I feel like I can have around anytime and that’s my partner. 

Her blog post puts our relationship into very solid words and I choose that to be how our relationship is shared. This post is a nod to it, but about other subjects.

Without the coronavirus mask I dawn a different mask for other times. This other mask is a resting b@tch face. It creates a base look that I wear when at rest which means all the time. I look like I’m mad at a math problem. 

This mask doesn’t reflect my feelings, but is a default mode to set my controls. Not having to think about this part of me which is the one that gestures with expression allows for me to use that thought energy for other deeper things.

Being introverted for me is something that is natural so I have to actively work against it. If I didn’t need sunlight, exercise, food, or things, being inside would be 80% of my life by choice. For this reason I understand that My human body has needs that are to be met or I can have a sharp decline in functionality.

It’s not that I don’t like people; it is more about how I operate. I inherited a mind that is like if you put a drag race car engine in a bunny rabbit. This means there is so much content swirling like if you put all flavors of fro-yo in a cup and blended it. You try and make out just one flavor. So the fact is that content is hard to explain to people and I choose not to often. 

On the other hand I do cherish well-made conversation and respect it. I would prefer to have a powerful conversation with someone who has opposing but open views to the content. Having an open perspective allows for learning and growth. If I find myself speaking to someone who believes they must be right at all costs that conversation will go nowhere. Being dogmatic and one-sided is a weakness. Acceptance for views that may oppose you is closer to enlightenment. 

For this reason I tend to avoid conversation because I tend to encounter more of the dogmatic variety. I’m not offended by such people, but also choose to not engage. 

My masks are a part of my shield and from my experience that mask plays a secondary role of filtering. Those with fear or discomfort within them will often project their feelings on to others. Where I feel neutral the theme of my face is “angry” and for someone having a hard moment they will ASSUME you are mad at them. 

I am often met with fear because of this combination situation. 

When I was in my adolescence and teen years I thought that it’s the other person’s fault they feel bad based on my resting look. “It’s their problem.” I have now discovered that isn’t the full picture. 

We are social creatures as humans. And I find it’s easier to avoid conversation with someone unsavory by keeping it simple. 

Polite yet Direct.
Kind and Swift.
Clear and Confident.

No one deserves your resting attitude, but you are also not obligated to explain yourself either.

Beating yourself up.
Over-criticizing yourself. 
Being too hard on yourself.
Give yourself a break.
Being mean to yourself.
Being your own drill sergeant.

I heard all of this growing up. Once something happened that I felt I caused, I would place myself in mental court. This court is more like a dojo with Master Me beating the living shit out of me for compromised decisions. This Master Me has always been a better fighter and is always stronger. Master Me always has an answer, good or bad, but never wants to talk about the good. Master Me is only interested in criticisms. 

Growing up like this can be tough, but it can also be a benefit instead of a weakness. These days social media adds a spotlight to this self-criticism. I learned it’s one of my favorite qualities I have. 

If you are struggling with this kind of thinking this is how I personally use it as a strength.

Become a better fighter.

Train yourself to become stronger than your internal criticisms. The trick is that you know your mind’s weaknesses too. Identifying your weaknesses and making them into strengths gives you strength. Own your shortcomings and you will grow taller. 

There is an added benefit of becoming the King Fu Master of your mind and in that process the words and criticism of others no longer matters. 

How is this done though?
I can only speak from my own perspective on this which is self-work. 
This means something different person to person. 

For me it was becoming the person I want to become. Check out my other post: Who Are You?

I explain the process I take to discovering my best self and how the rest of my life will be in the pursuit of that person, knowing I’m already him.
But in training.

Secret is you are always in training for your whole life. So become a better student. 

The swanky detective limbos the caution tape, whips off his shades and kneels beside the dead body. As he scans the body the wounds highlight like your favorite quote in a book. The detective stands, turns to his partner, and says, “I know the motive!”

Motives are what drive us to do what we do. 

Take my run the morning I wrote this…
I chose my hat so that I could obstruct the view ahead of me like a stallion with blinders. The goal was to keep my head down til the run was over. I found myself looking up several times. I told myself it was to be aware of other people and cars, but the real motive was one of a b@tch. 
It states, “How much farther?” Like a toddler hoping the car ride doesn’t last much longer. 

This is the wrong motivation to have while running, but thoughts like these come up in all parts of life and experience. 

The key is to be steadfast in your intentions. When doing things we like, but require action, resistance shows up to the party. Resistance will be the guy who has had too much to drink, throwing up and starting fights. When you have that come up it is major to stay locked in on why you are doing your task. I was running because the gym is closed and I despise running. It is what a human is evolved to do well so I want to get better. 

We all encounter a lapse in motivation in all parts of life. A friend of mine in Hawaii is the perfect example of this. 
I will call her Mama….
This woman is the mother of four clone-like children and I state this because they each have a version of her personality amplified. Oh, did I mention she has been a single mother for most of the children’s lives?
She wakes up, everyday I’m sure, with thoughts of sleeping more, ignoring her kids or running away. 

BUT!

Working with this strong human showed me that she has more follow-through than most on this planet. Each kid is more than taken care of. She may get tired, but the reason she works so much and barely sleeps enough is because she must be the one holding it all together.

She is powerful.

This is just one glaring example that rings true to the reality that we are not our b@tch thoughts; we are the action that responds.

We are not our b@tch thoughts; we are the action that responds.

I want to emphasize this sentence because it is easy to listen to these useless thoughts. It’s easy to hit the snooze. It’s easy to say it’s not my fault when it is. It’s easy to procrastinate. It’s easy to die without doing anything with your life.

These are choices we choose to respond to.

F@CK!

Throwing the nearest object across the room to disturb the flow of heat and aggression bubbling from within like the streams of lava oozing from the island of Hawaii.

I was born this way…
A bustling team of aggressive bees all in a “tissy” as my mother would refer.
She always had a different way to say things that were easy to grasp and equally silly.
But she is where this “naturally aggressive” state was inherited from.
I grew up with something in me.
The tv series Dexter put it best as “the dark passenger.”
Joe Rogan on his podcast put it as “naturally aggressive.”
These are all great ways to name it but don’t go far in describing. So I will do my best to describe what it is like…….

Drum Roll Please!

ALWAYS PISSED THE F@CK OFF!

Now the first thing I want to make clear is that being angry all the time doesn’t have to be negative.
On a recent episode of Doctor Phil’s Podcast I learned that the same pathways that create excitement in the brain are the same as crippling anxiety. The glee of a child the evening before and morning of Christmas is the same as the doom of a wretched feeding frenzy in the mind. The difference is choice I suppose. Involuntary but a choice none the less.

Being aggressive to me is the same as passion. It is just cooked at a different temperature. So depending on the cuisine being prepared can result in a bitter or tasty dish.

Imagine what it must to be like to be Superman daily as he plays his alter ego Clark Kent. This being of immense strength must treat everything like an egg or a simple sneeze could blow up a building. In no way is an aggressive predisposition anything like a superhuman strength, but what is similar is the mindfulness of daily life.

When I recognize I am in a more aggressive state I have to slow myself down in every action I perform that day as to not disturb the beakers of combustible liquids in a lab as it were.

Those days anything can set me off but I must be vigilant. No one deserves your sh@tty feels. So I take it seriously that I’m the one with this sickness or ability so I must honor the responsibility. 

One of my favorite tools is a combination of a resting bitch face (or dick face depending on how you identify) and a healthy detachment. 
This allows me to have laser focus on a task at hand. Being able to tune out the world around me. Not be unaware, but distant.

Where would such intensity come from?

I have thought of such a question recently as I am starting to help my mother document her life. This woman has been through some sh@t and is what I think is the reason for the genetic crassness. 

My mother’s upbringing was filled with fear and constant uncertainty. The lessons don’t end for her after a rough childhood though. Those are stories for her to share.
It seems as if, because my mother lived such stress, maybe her body built a reactionary survival gene expression that would allow me to be born with vast energy like this passion of mine. 
This seems so likely because my sister is similar.

Though my mom’s experience wasn’t the beginning of this genetic heat. This is an heirloom passed down through at least 3 generations like an old ring. My grandmother had a fire in her as well. And per my mom’s stories great grandma was a violent drinker. This rage has aged like wine, with each generation like a sommelier with an ancient recipe making their own modern changes.

These of course are possible overthought theories, but for the human body to be able to alter its genes to evolve to be more aware or resilient is a fascinating venture. I choose to see my aggressive passion as a gift, but like a flame can sustain warmth in the cold so too can it burn a forest down.

David Goggins has become well known for his concept of doing something that sucks daily. This man has perpetuated an identity around the fact that no challenge can beat him. Going full clip at everything done. And always knowing he will do it again. This isn’t a fun concept to perform right away or even every day. 

IT SUCKS!

But that is the point.
Think about it….

Let’s say you have something to do today that you despise. Try doing something that sucks before that task and tell me how you feel then.  

Have you ever stepped into the shower, thinking of yourself like a scientist in a chemistry lab delicately inching the knobs to strike the perfect temperature balance? Then once you step your foot in the shower, you are shocked with a frigid sensation. Yet you persist as you venture under the shower that feels like a waterfall of frozen daggers. As you inch the hot water knob more and more you get gradually warmer and warmer. Until you realize the water is scalding hot because right behind you is your partner yelling “OOOOOO!” He feels as if fire is spitting from the shower head. 

This is why we start the day with something that sucks or is difficult. This could be a physical, mental, or spiritual endeavor. 
You will have tempered your mind like the egg in a beautiful meringue.
Suddenly the rest of the day is manageable. 

During this coronavirus season challenge yourself. 
Here are some ideas…
-Run in the Morning (This is what I’m doing.) 
-Pray or Meditate (This happens after running for me.)
-Gratitude (Write to people or yourself of the good out there.) 
-Check out SGN (Some Good News on Youtube.)
-Get Better (If you are sick at these times.)
-Eat Better (Try your best to fuel better than ever with what you have.)
-Check out Mythical Kitchen for some Cheap Quarantine Meal Ideas and eat with the Family.
-Military your Life. (If you are in the thick of it and feel lost, create your life a strict schedule whereby its execution lasts as long as Coronavirus does.)

Realize over time these ideas will become habits and from habits comes clarity and control. Doing something that sucks doesn’t have to suck. It is all how you see it through your lens. 

Remember if you aren’t sick then work out for those who are. If you have a job save like you don’t. If you are working keep your hygiene on point so as to not spread germs. And if you are lucky to be not sick, have a job, and can have some normal, do it daily for those who can’t.

Check Out my Stories on IG as I will post daily my running and a quote from the meditation app I use: Calm.

In every group there is an individual of great fortitude. They are the epitome of what it means to be resilient. If you are lucky in your groups, either with family, work, school, or your local hangout, you can have multiple of these resilient people. Most of the time these persistent people often have that thickened skin due to some struggle in their past. Someone who has experienced pain or suffering and has come out on the other side. These people are changed from those experiences. 

“They say there is light at the end of the tunnel but not once your eyes adjust to the darkness.” – David Goggins 

These people have spent time adjusting their vision to their personal dark times and have a better awareness coming out of it all.  These people are Sh@t Eaters.

Allow me to explain… A sh@t eater is that person who can take massive levels of sh@t and come out the other side either stronger or with new lessons that they take on in their lives. 

My parents are my top examples.

My father was kicked out at eighteen because his family couldn’t afford to support him and his two siblings. He didn’t crumble; instead he ate the sh@t given to him and made his life with his own hands. This man would then have a son and while working a full time job, going to school, and supporting a family would come home to put away all the toys I had thrown around. This man had never flinched at an obstacle coming his way. Instead he rolled with it. 

My mother is the oldest of seven and had arguably one of the most treacherous upbringings. And yet, in her fifties, today can look back and see those trials as strong lessons that she instilled in me and my sister to be the rigid people she forged us to be. Her challenges continue and she takes each one on the chin like a prized fighter as she digs deeper to push forward no matter what. Resilience at its finest.

These two examples show that a sh@t eater is just another way to say warrior. I honestly like the spice that sh@t eater has at describing these kinds of amazing people. It describes that despite the odds these people do not quit. They eat the sh@t and don’t complain. Instead they win despite it.

Another type of sh@t eater is the one among friends. These people are my favorite types; because of their past they take nothing personally. My brother Andrew is a perfect example of this. No matter what you say no words ever stick to him. This is an amazing trait because when you can talk sh@t and not take it personally that shows a type of resilience that is lost in these times of “wokeness.” 

These are those who can take as hard as they dish it. The ones who laugh when they fall and are the first to crack the joke at themselves. The ones who can take a flat tire and make it a fun adventure. I admire these kinds of people because they are the ones who will traverse life easier than the rest. Not because they are more talented, but because they are resilient and will get back up once knocked down. They will see an injury as needed rest, a tooth ache as an indication to care more for their teeth, a delayed flight as a time to catch up with an old friend or someone who even in their trials can be a rock for others.

These people are those who when life gets tough they lean in. Take a look at history and you will see countless examples of those who pushed the status quo even though the odds are stacked against them. 

We can all aspire to be Sh@t Eaters. Heat and Pressure Make a Diamond. That means you have to outlast the discomfort and these types will always outlast anything.  

If you feel you aren’t one yet, work at it. The easiest way to start is talk sh@t with others. Don’t try to break someone down, but a real companion will know the intention behind your words instead of fixating on the words alone.