Moment of F@ck: Effectively Panicked Part 1

“Life doesn’t happen to you; it happens for you.” – Jim Carrey

This one quote has been a major support beam in the architecture of my mental rigidity.  It gets tested often.

I woke up early enough to feel like I some semblance of control. This feeling was a red flag waving vigorously by my subconscious.

After showering and dawning my mask, pens, and knife, I hear my partner on the phone clearly getting some important news as she darted off to the bedroom so as to somehow muffle the conversation.

All I heard was “HAHAHAHAA No Way!”

The energy was off so I went to investigate.

After my partner gets off the phone with a smile on her face and smell of anxiety like a strong perfume coming from her.

Moment of F@ck #1

Partner: “I have been fired.” Me: Silence. 

With a strong stoic composer over my demeanor she knew I was not panicked.  Inside was a different story… Inside was a tornado sweeping up my foundation of strategy like it was the damn Wizard of Oz. 

My reaction to rough situations is a mental shutdown of any nonessential areas. These areas are emotional reaction, fear, anxiety, social interaction, movement, face motor function, and a percentage of awareness. This creates a resting-b@tch-faced individual with vengeance in his eyes. This is my natural resting state. Once I enter this state I won’t be able to escape until there are answers. This is where I do my best thinking.

But there was no time to sit a strategize with my partner who is simply covering fear with laughter.

Moment of F@ck #2

I am the stable one right now and I need to play it.

My mother for her entire career as a mom lived a fake til you make it mentality. Thing is, she still feels she hasn’t made it. I live this mentality because she taught me confidence by faking it within herself. So I played on these strengths this day and for the days following.

I took my partner’s head in my hands and made clear today and now is not the time to panic. Now is a time of swift action and report. Today we do not have the luxury to reflect and take our time. With the coronavirus lockdown in full swing with many unemployed no one has time to sit and wait even if it seems useful. Uncertain times require action. Tread water and swim in the pool of life because if you don’t then you will drown. If you choose to float instead just know that progress also stops. I choose to walk when I can’t walk and I will never stop walking. 

“I was so weak I was set into a moment of fuck so I reset my mind.” – David Goggins

Even if I wasn’t believing it fully I needed to fake that remaining percentage of perceived control. I needed to take both of our minds into my hands and keep the car going til I could get our minds stable and ready for continuing. 

STEP 1: Plan and Execute.

STEP 2: Create Structure (Daily Habits $ Budget)

STEP 3: Goal Set for Next Progress Check Point

STEP 4: Action

Check in for Part 2….

I am actively living these Moments of F@ck.

Resetting

Picture this… 

You find yourself walking to the store for some odds and ends. You woke up after the best hour of a morning thus far in life. You feel on top of life. Exiting your front door your face is met with sunlight and a breeze carrying the sweet scent of gardenias that are grown by your neighbor. It’s a moment of bliss. The sunlight kisses your forehead like a loving mother. The deep breath sends you into a state of rejuvenation and you have gratitude to your neighbor for their garden. As you leave you wave to your neighbor brimming with bubbling joy. As you make your way to the store you pass a school where some teenagers are acting a fool. You being on the other side of the fence is as if they are a caged animal at the zoo. Lost in interesting thought you…… A twig catches your foot and you fall face first to the floor.

What do you do? 

Those teens are laughing; you have a headache and errands to complete.

You have three choices:

1 Sympathy Reaction: Why me?!

Feel bad for yourself. Possibly seeking that someone reaches out to help. 

2 Aggressive Reaction: “F@ck You!”

Lashing out on the twig and teenagers because they just happened to have witnessed your embarrassment. 

3 Controlled Reaction: “Oops!”

Owning what happened and knowing these things happen. Next time you will pay more attention or it just is what it is. 

“I was so weak I was set into a moment of fuck so I reset my mind.” -David Goggins

It is so easy to fall into pity and anger. These reactions are due to some past habit-building. When life deals you a surprise your reaction is a choice.  I choose to own it because then I have control of the situation. I may even laugh at myself. 

During times of uncertainty it can be easy to justify taking it easy by allowing reactionary thought to rule. The uncertain times are the best time for consistency. The consistency will ground you and keep your head on track. 

Go back to my example…

Which reaction will be the most effective?

Which reaction serves you the most?

How will you feel after?

Truth Hurts?

“I’m Triggered!”, Exclaims the Millennial in the Coffee Shop demanding that the accused makes clear on their intention because their words are too archaic for the ears of the woke.

These types of occasions happen often in this 2020 mindset.

Why does it seem in an age of personal accountability and mindset awareness that there is a very strong blindness in general?

Often those who claim to know the most are the easiest to trigger.

“Those that know don’t speak.” – David Goggins 

It is like these individuals who seem to know it all have the least amount of awareness. Therefore those who speak the most tend to know the least.  Those who, despite having it all, choose to see from a wider lens tend to be more understanding and open to different ideas.

These people like Dr. Phil and Oprah, who are icons, still see there is more to learn from life and will continue to be humble and grateful for each wonder and lesson.

Truth hurts because it triggers a reaction so lets follow that progression…

  • Truth
    • Trigger
      • Reaction
    • Choice 
      • A: Take your reaction as the answer and fly off the handles face-first into the ground, grabbing at anyone to drag down with you.
      • B: Take a moment to recognize the reaction and peel back the onion til you find the source of the reaction.
  • Stunted or Learned From

What is a reaction? A reaction is a notification in your mind that then elicits an emotional and, depending on your choice, a possible physical manifestation. Just like apps on a phone we have emotions in our mind.  Each app has a function, needs to be updated regularly and has its own notification systems in place.

If you don’t backup the data you will lose lessons learned but not taken advantage of.

If you don’t turn off the mind through some type of meditation then notifications will continue to buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz…

If you don’t open them then it will resemble your email on your phone of 1,000 unopened emails.

Now that we have a firm grasp on what a reaction is… What can we do once one comes up?

Joe Rogan said, “There are no such thing as magic words.” He means by this that words themselves are not inherently set with their own pre-set emotional responses. Words are meant to convey the intent of the person using them. Words in themselves are not a trigger, it’s the intention behind them.  You don’t blame a boat for a terrible captain. 

We will all have triggers that are created of past problems or life-changing experiences so no need to beat yourself over it.

We all have them even from evolution itself.  But that means there needs to be more understanding.

My notifications aren’t yours. And my reactions are a choice.

Moments of F@ck: The Infection

March 2020

Injury is a heightened state of recovery. 

Does it define you?

It can either consume your personality like a black hole or become one of the greatest teachers.

Moment of F@ck #1…

My middle finger has become useless. Right as the outbreak of the Coronavirus occurred, the bottom third of my right middle finger began to inflate like a cheap balloon from Party City. With each centimeter of added diameter, its red color and sensitivity increased. At this time I am a 26-year-old man person. So, as we do when it comes to injury, we self-diagnose.

Ignorance isn’t bliss; it is pain.

My uneducated diagnosis was that I broke the finger, so my solution was tape it up and go to work.  What a stupid fucking idea. I would then proceed to wear multiple gloves and plunge my hand in a bucket of ice to numb it throughout my shifts.

What I had not considered was what a doctor would inform me days later… Doc: “How did you break it?” DipShit Me: “I don’t know exactly.” Doc: “When something is broken you would remember the moment it became broken. What you have is an infection.” DipShit Me: “Oh that makes sense.”

Side Note: I had worked three full shifts with a tape-fashioned cast around an infected finger as it continued to grow each day. Fucking Stupid!

Moment of F@ck #2…

I had called off work and was at home. I at this point checked my Whoop app and saw that I got little recovery in my sleep so I proceeded to chug some NyQuil and pass back out. Just before that I sent a picture of my finger to my mom to lighten my spirits.

Side Note: I get great fun in sharing things with my mom that will either disappoint or disgust her, but this was different.

Just before passing out from the swig of sleepy time juice, I read my mother’s response.  Mom: “Infected. Soak immediately and doctor.” She doesn’t often text with clear directions and it was lacking of an emoji or post from facebook. This meant she was serious. My mother comes from a long line of nurses and is the oldest of seven kids. So she knows what something looks like. So I informed her that I would go after sleeping off the NyQuil. That was stupid. Infections don’t wait for you to be fully rested. 

Once I woke, I took off to one of the few non-frantic urgent cares. That is when I had that conversation with the doc that it was truly an infection. The Doc would then prescribe a shot of potent antibiotics into my butt and a bottle to take with me. He would then inform me that if it doesn’t get better in the next forty-eight hours that I should go straight to an ER to get it drained.

This is the last thing I wanted because I don’t fear anything, but what I hate most are needles.So I scampered home with some level of hope and a strict antibiotic regimen.

Moment of F@ck #3…

I went into my trusty sick recovery mode which is as follows:

  • Undies
  • Bed
  • iPad with The Office playing continuously.
  • Lots of water. 

The next thirty-six hours were torture. With every passing hour the finger continued to resemble an angry customer at a bar with a deep red complexion and throbbing rage. I did my best to stay calm and lose myself in silly Youtube content and the peace of The Office. Once night rolled around, my apartment became my own personal purgatory. I remembered what my mom said: “soak immediately.” So every time I would feel the violent throbbing pain of an inflamed infection, I would go to the bathroom sink, pour a bit of bleach, and crank the water to as hot as it would go. With a folded towel on the floor for my knees and one beside the sink to rest my head, I would do my best to chase the relief that would never come.

This night broke me mentally as I made countless angry and exhausted trips to the bathroom soaking for only momentary relief. At two am I would ball up in the fetal position on the floor beside the bed to cry and surround my finger in the ball I made with my body. All in the pursuit to not wake my partner because this was my pain to bear. Countless more rotations of soaking later and it would now be eight am and I had only got two hours and thirty-six minutes of sleep.

Feeling like shit and with a hand that felt as if a demon was possessing it, I charged to the urgent care once more. I wasn’t thinking straight and just wanted answers. The doc would inform me to go to Torrance Memorial for treatment as it has gotten worse. As I drove over to the ER I sat in silence doing my best to not shatter into millions of pieces emotionally.

So I did what I know best: detach.

I mentally accepted the ignorance and pain of my choices and disintegrated my emotions to become a robot that only had one goal. Health.

“A sick man only wants one thing; a healthy man wants ten thousand things.” – Confucious

I wasn’t focused on anything else but to have my right dominant hand back to working order.

Moment of F@ck #4…

As I approach the ER I am reminded we are on lockdown with the Coronavirus. A nurse pushes her hand out firm and says, “Wait here!”  As I stood at attention waiting for instruction, she would continue, “Do you have a fever?” Me: “Not at all.” Nurse: “Why are you here?” Me: “My finger is infected.” She then gestured to the window ahead and shoots hand sanitizer into my hand.

As I then go through patient check-in, I am shortly escorted to the ER where I would be interviewed by very stressed out hospital staff.

Rightfully so.

They asked the basic “what happened” questions. This next question would be something that triggered me into realization. Doc: “How did this get to be so bad of an infection?” Me: Dead of emotion and severed from my ego, I said, “ignorance isn’t bliss.”

I would then explain the last few days void of any excuses because I knew that even then I had yet to discover how I was still the one who wasn’t clean enough.

Lesson One: Your Ego is a great defense mechanism, but is never truly helpful.

The next few hours would become the most painful I have experienced in my life thus far. As the doc approached my bedside he informed me of the process. He would have to numb the area, lance my finger open and massage the pus from the cavity. Little did I know the numbing agent would have no effect and I would have to experience this with white knuckles.  As he guided the needle full of numb numb juice into the infected area my core temperature started to skyrocket. My head started emanating heat like a fireplace on a winter morning. Sweat poured from my head, caught by my beanie. My limbs shook with a tempo I couldn’t manage as he cut into my finger.  Doc: “How are you doing?” Me: “Good.” Doc: “Wow look at all that’s coming out.” Me: “No thank you.”

The doc had no idea that I could feel more than the pressure he was applying. Shaking from every limb I did my best to focus on my breathing and to restrain myself. It was like trying to hold down a live lion inside my mind. As the Doc completed the draining the pain would persist for the next hour as I tried to distract myself. Podcast, Youtube, and finally I found the latest Lion King on the ER TV. I kept my eyes fixed on that screen as I repeated in my head….

“This too shall pass.” – Bible

This was the only way I would get through this. A nurse would then set me up with an antibiotic IV and I would sit using it as a timer til I could leave and do something about the pain.

Drenched in sweat, filled with anguish, and grateful to be done, I would walk to my car. As I was on my way to the CVS for my prescription I would call my mother. This opened my eyes to lesson number two.

Lesson Two: This isn’t the end. Pain is temporary.

I would then describe the intense hot pain I experienced and how I now have some perspective of what it’s like to be in a hospital bed alone and in mountains of pain. I called my mother because out of anyone I know she has had more than her share of pain. No one else would be able to understand perseverance as she does. I have never been so happy to go to CVS during a crisis. 

Lesson Three: You aren’t invincible, but you have more in you than you will ever know.

Pain teaches you how much you can handle and live through. It is the truest of teachers because it never sugar-coats or bullshits you.  For that I have major respect for pain. This isn’t the first time I have sat down with pain at a tea party and it won’t be the last.  Life became more finite in this moment.

During a crisis like a virus I had a small trial of my own. For those who are sick at this time…. It will suck, life won’t feel that worth it.

But! I promise if you live through it, take the lessons from it, because memory is fickle, but lessons are multi-generational. 

“Become the individual that refuses to see duties undone. The person that lives like there is no tomorrow because there very well might not be.” – David Goggins 

Moments of F@ck: The Surprise

March 2020

In the downstairs storage area of a vintage grocery store is a bucket of soy sauce with a thin towel draped over it to somehow transform this would-be chair into a rocket to obscurity. It is positioned in between two packed shelves of all the trappings of a bustling meat shop. Cleared out on the bottom shelf to the right of my makeshift chair is a space between the paper bags that would become the desk where I would have to gather my mind like a handful of loose skittles bouncing and skittling (yes I’m using skittle as a verb) across the surface.  This would become the setting to news that would drastically shift my mindset like the tectonic plates under L.A. in 1994. When plates shift in your mind they never go back to being the same way.  Or like a smooth shuffling of a deck of cards, but they sprang and dumped on the floor.  

These are moments that define you by your actions thereafter.  “I was so weak I was set into a moment of fuck so I reset my mind.” – David Goggins 

My girlfriend and the person I plan the rest of my life with has been sick. And I was expecting news from the doctor of what was up. While on our way to work she got a phone call from her doctor urgently asking to set an appointment that day for her results in person.

Moment of F@ck #1…

I’m best when under pressure. It’s like I can see vastly more clearly than I did even seconds ago. When she got that phone call we parted ways for the day: she hailing an uber and me to my parking spot. I realized that it’s my role to be the rock here because she is in crisis. 

“Become the individual that refuses to see duties undone. The person that lives like there is no tomorrow because there very well might not be.” – David Goggins

This quote from Mr. Goggins rang in my head. I motivated her to treat today like your last and kick ass at work and take one step at a time. Make this day your bitch was my prevailing attitude. Inside was a different story.

Moment of F@ck #2…

My whole walk into work and throughout my shift until she called me with the news she learned, I was consumed with fear and duty: execute an elegant plan to win this whatever it is. I ran through countless scenarios in my head as I worked that my face resembled the look of doing taxes without a calculator while steaming with anxiety that is fueled by fear and wearing the mask of anger.

I thought of a plan for: •Cancer •Surgery  •Pending Death •Death Altogether. •Auto-Immune •Genetic Complications •Flu 

I had a plan for each one with a rough meal plan, workout schedule, mindfulness practices & anything that can enhance any good chance. Tense and aware, thinking about each thing I’m doing to be able to sprint away for a momentary inevitable phone call.

I had informed my bosses that I may vanish for that phone call. 

Buzz…Buzz…Buzz…Buzz

Moment of F@ck #3…

Here is where the storage area of a meat shop became a deeply impactful setting and the place where I would have to swallow a very large reality pill. I won’t air our dirty laundry but I will explain the one piece of news that railed me.

At the moment of the phone call I was helping a customer. As I felt my pocket buzz like I had stuffed bees in there like tater tots in middle school… buzz… I froze stiff. It probably looked like I was having a seizure. I then waved over my co-worker and sprinted downstairs. I shoved the stack of bags from the desk pocket in the shelf and scooted my bucket up, taking a seat. With one hand on my head and the other stuffing the phone into my skull I hear…

“Hey babe…” states my girlfriend with timid objectiveness in her voice.  “We may be pregnant.”

Like the first small stone turning down a steep cliff gaining speed with it kinetic flow grabbing at more along the way bringing forth a ragging landslide. Thats how it felt… covered. As if a chilling wind washed my back and my head collecting heat like nuclear fusion I was in a type of fight or flight that was in between. All I could do was pause as I heard her choke on the reality….

I measured that I needed to process but that I love her and I am not going anywhere. One thing is to be kept in life is loyalty. As I hung up the phone I realized where I was at work.

Shit! Rang through on a loop in my head until….. “I was so weak I was set into a moment of fuck so I reset my mind.” – David Goggins 

This quote sprang up like a landmine in the brush but in its explosion was something to grab onto. I felt like I was sinking in quick sand and finally found a branch to pull myself from it. I needed to reset my mind and go to work for 2 more hours. I can do this: become a robot, do the work, and vanish to piece together what felt like shattered plans.

This moment will become one of the best moments of my life….

Here is what I learned. No one is special but we can aspire and work to become Uncommon. The idea of pregnancy scared me because Im not the man I know I can be. Not the person I wish to become. Wishing to become someone is bullshit. Goals are amazing but if you can’t believe you can achieve them then what is the point in setting it, constantly pushing back progress to be achieved. I thought I could wait to save, do it all right, and for now I can enjoy life. I realized that is all a steaming plate of shit.

If you aren’t actively living like the person who you can be then you will never get there. Fake it til you make it is one of my mother’s favorite sayings because she taught us confidence by never truly having it for herself. The fact that I was operating in an I will do it later mindset disgusts me personally.

This was a wake up in the form of a personal spit in the face. Why do I not live to my highest standards, constantly pushing myself to becoming and constantly wanting more from myself.  The reason the thought of a child scared me is because I haven’t yet become the man who believes he is the man. No longer will I wade in the waters of I will do it later.

“Become the individual that refuses to see duties undone. The person that lives like there is no tomorrow because there very well might not be.” – David Goggins

I solidified this choice with an action. I shaved my head.

Time to put the work in and one thing I’m over is caring what’s on my head. It begins again. As it always will. This is just the most recent realization and moment of life giving me the gift of a fuck moment or four. My life has been full of these moments and I plan on harvesting.

P.S. The pregnancy was due to my partners health complications, but the lesson stands the same.

Preying On Weakness

A broker came into the shop I work at today with a face mask on. As my co-worker completed his order, the man asked, “you guys don’t have masks?” After met with silence he then said, “I have extra and will bring you some.” Condescendingly my co-worker responds, “good looking out.” So as to just avoid any further communication. Moments later he comes in with a pack of masks with a business card attached saying, “I’m selling them by the case for $60, let your boss know.” Thing is, this man with an abundance of masks used our boss’s first name.  This fact is important because he said the name of the late boss. This shop has been family owned for years and anyone who shops there knows the son of the last boss (along with his business partner) is the one who runs it now. This man clearly googled the shop and came in with a plan.

Of course I don’t know for sure, but what it seems is that this man, during the coronavirus outbreak, purchased tons of masks to then sell them for profit later.  I’m using this possible outcome as an example of what a shit human looks like. 

I understand this desire to take advantage of a situation for personal gain. I have a similar impulse, but the difference is action.  I am an aggressive person with a strong resting bitch face. This doesn’t truly reflect that I am mad or mean on the inside, but to someone not secure this demeanor can be intimidating.

When I interact with someone who meets my aggression with fear it awakens a primal wolf from within. This wolf stalks its prey looking for the weakest of the group and all It wants is to rip that poor deer’s throat out as it devours its entrails. 

I refrain from this type of reaction because I don’t know what that person who is fearful has experienced to warrant that response. I would rather speak to them with dignity and respect hoping they find their answers soon in life. They may have a weakness now that will become a great strength if they choose it and work on it. I have done my own work so I know what that’s like, to feel weak and fearful. 

This man taking advantage triggered me because I understand him, but definitely don’t respect him.  I prefer to take the beating than see someone take it who doesn’t deserve the pain. 

Grower vs Shower

For those who aren’t privy to the concept, among a masculine (those with a penis) group of people you are either a grower or a shower. This means at its base you fall as a man (with a penis) under one of two very basic categories….

A Shower:

The individual’s private is always at attention. And by default ready to go at a moments notice. This private is cocky (all pun intended) because this private is at full mast ready to sail into the vast ocean.

A Grower:

The individual’s private can shape shift and adapt. When necessary it can vary in size to accommodate the individual’s needs of action. This private is sometimes excited to show but can also be out of the way when other tasks need completing. When it’s time to perform, this sleeping giant can emerge from its cave like a fighter dawning a hoodie before the fight, knowing the time to shine will come, but to reserve for the main event.

In a masculine culture the seemingly desirable is the shower because the mate can get a preview to the show. Issue is that if you show your hand too soon you could lose the game right away, blowing your “chips”  because you are called on your bluff.  Or like an angry child threatening to hold its breath to gain what it wants, only to quickly realize they don’t have the stamina to hold this hoax for much longer.

Whereas for the grower they are the underdog with the special talent that makes and breaks the game. Those who witness this feat see that the force is strong in this one and it is not the size of the handle of a lightsaber that is impressive until it has been triggered. Blustering with dazzling rigidity and intense… well you get the picture.

But I’m not talking about the male appendage here; I’m talking about perspective. 

If you aren’t growing then what are you doing…? Well, dying.

David Goggins in his audiobook Can’t Hurt Me explains, “They say there is light at the end of the tunnel but not once your eyes adjust to the darkness.” He is making the excellent point that even in darkness you can still find comfort. 

Goggins also goes into the the concept that “those that know don’t speak.” If you are simply showing then are not growing. But if you choose to make growing the goal, and show when you can, gives you the best of the process, journey, and success.

Panic Not Welcome

An emotional response doesn’t have to mean an extreme reaction is necessary.

My father would always say, “take a step back and regroup.” He is a calculated man with a big heart. There wasn’t any time in my life that a difficult situation was met with anything more than a quiet breath from this man. He would retreat within and plan his solution then and there.

My mother would often take the path of fake it til you make it. She taught my sister and I confidence this way even though she has no discernible feelings of it even today.

These two have made me to be a very tactical thinker and to take my time with an issue to find the best solution. So I will show you how each method works as I have spent my life dissecting my parents like a frog in science class.

My father is an engineer by trade so as you can expect his strength is overthinking and executing a plan. His preferred method is, and still is, a black day planner in which every facet of life is documented. This allows him to access an external hard drive with all information that would clutter his vast and complex mind. He does this to free up space so that if something unexpected happens he has far more resource energy at his disposal.

This method is called Planning Ahead.

My mother is a survivor by force. No one becomes a survivor because they choose it from a booth in a high school job fair. She was forged in fire and became as strong as steel. She has mastered the ability to take it to the chin only to stand back up like Rocky. This has made her mind into a hyperactive processor taking in five times the information as others may take in. At any moment she will be audibly noting anything that may be going on around her. 

This method is called Adaptation. 

At the time I am writing this the tides have turned in the world as we battle an invisible enemy called the coronavirus. While people panic they make ill decisions like hoarding toilet paper as if it is gold.  Shelves are void of beans and people avoid others like they are covered in vomit.

This is a time when panic is not welcome and a calm calculated response is the medicine especially when we don’t have the many answers. We are biological organisms with a primal nature. When met with stress we are biologically given two choices: either fight or flight.

But here is the secret….

We are an animal without claws, horns, poison seeping from glands, or an inclination to run at remarkable speeds. Instead we have a vastly developed brain. As a human you don’t have fur or weapons that grow from your anatomy because we have a brain capable of building tools to act as these pre-evolutionary appendages.

This vastly improved brain allows us to think around a problem, finding a solution. Fire doesn’t come from our hands like superpowers, but we are intelligent enough to create it.

What this means is that there is a third option for us humans in time of crisis….

CHOICE.   

This story perfectly reflects this point….

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life:

“A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.

“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil–he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you–and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

You GET TO CHOOSE which emotions to respond to. They can be very strong, so here is how I manage this based on my lessons from my parents.

My method for this is as follows…

I plan what I can control which limits the amounts of things that can come up. 

When something comes up that is surprising or disturbing of my flow I either respond with a plan or fake it til I make it. Always keeping myself calm to make the right decisions in the moment. 

Table of Literary Contents

Golden Nuggets:

Each of us has a mental river teeming with potential. All we need to do is get in that river with our trusty pan and sift the scum and rocks away until we discover a gold nugget. Full of vast knowledge, these nuggets allow us to unmask great amounts of mental wealth that can permeate into our lives. These are my Nuggets.

Development:

Taking note of moments important. Leaving your thoughts behind like a polaroid picture that you can reference in nostalgia. Taking these moments and remarking in the wonder of times when your thoughts have evolved and or aged into a vintage wine. These are my bottles. Lets see how they age.

Short Stories:

Escape is a powerful tool to transcend pain and joy with vivid detail. When you watch a movie you can immerse yourself in a new world where the laws of reality don’t apply. These stories may or may not reflect my life. What is important is the places you will be able to go with the creations I make. Enjoy the escape.

Moments of F@ck:

Moments in life each have an identity like the complexity of a finger print. Each one is a stark representation of something that is changing or needing to be changed. This means when a moment of F@CK surfaces it is like a life headache. Something that needs immediate attention and action.

My Outlook

I’m actively building myself into an Uncommon Humble Savage.

Over time I want to bolster the genetic potential I have and working on myself by taking my short comings to be fortified like steel.

What has taken me this far in my life is doing just that…

I’m “naturally aggressive” as Joe Rogan put it for himself. I like that because that’s how I feel. My father thought I would outgrow my aggression but it has permeated through everything I have done for all my years thus far.

I was an overweight angry child with 2 massive chips on his shoulder and a gift for quitting everything due to BS self talk.

My first achievement in my life was taking my natural aggression (which is just an abundance of passion, I would later learn), welding the gaps in the armor closed, and living by a limitless potential mindset. In a speech from Jim Carrey, the words “I have no limits” became a perpetual loop in my head. I am confident of one main thing.

If I want it I will have it because I’m aware that I am the only one who can stop me.

It’s only recently that I purchased David Goggins’ book and have been listening to it repeatedly as I feel it will reinforce the limitless mindset that has persisted so far.

My largest goal is to be a Family Man.